Dairy Page No. 2

ᓚᘏᗢ

Hello, my people!

As I type this I sit on the floor of my bedroom, reeling from the chaos that is ensuing. I cannot register for my modules due to reasons unrelated to me individually. And I have been given no solution other than to wait for the institution to clear the problem. Quite simple and guilt-free I suppose and yet it has strung me into a whirlwind of anxiety and fear. 

This predicament has led me to TWO anxiety attacks in the last 24 hours, and while that seems strangely rudimentary, it is exceptionally taxing for someone whose last anxiety attack was 3 years ago. I do not often have anxious tendencies, so it all feels brutally overwhelming and arduous. It felt as if the walls were closing in and I could think of nothing but the issue at hand, which paired with my heart beating out of my chest and my shallow breathing -- it took much willpower to not rely on past habits.

When I take, or try to, a step back and look at this situation from an outsider's point of view it is small in comparison to the grand scheme of things. Much like most of our lives. And yet I still feel as though my world is ripping at the seams. 

Tearing and waiting for the fabric to unravel as well. 

I am painfully aware of that fact and how foolish I may appear to the naked eye, but I can't help myself. 

On another note, a happier note, I bought face wash! Which is so exciting, my face wash has been running low, and I've been itching to buy the next refill. Also. I picked up my King Lear once again, I hadn't read it in quite a while and when I did start reading it again-- my second attempt at finishing the book-- I realised again my reasoning for reading it.

In one of my all-time favourite movies, 'The World to Come' directed by Mona Fastvold, Abigail says to Tallie:

    Near the end of the play (King Lear), the king and his daughter are imprisoned, but he views it in a        positive way. 

    "Come, let's away to prison," He says. "We two alone shall sing like birds in a cage." 

While it's probably not a significant line in the movie, I found it quite touching how these two women can be in love and yet one believes their cage to serve a purpose and be useful. While the other sees the cage as a confinement and an imprisonment. 

Ultimately that cage succeeded in the movie and did more than confine. I rewatch this movie every so often and find myself more and more in love with it each time. 

 

thank you for reading (about my melodramatic life view)!

- t